Its just so odd. me and he had promised he would love me forever. Women are very good these days breaking many mens hearts, and i know other friends that had it happened to them as well. Her parents became yet more overpowering towards her and to my kids adding yet more stress. You will get all the blame and even find yourself thinking maybe it WAS your fault ! Is this forum legitimate? And I never told her of my past until we started to drift apart sexually after the birth of our second child, which was 6 years into the marriage. If you feel lost and hurt by this vast life turmoil, you have come to the right place for help. I was together with my wife for 19.5 years. ?Confused please help. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. Then we just decided to move. Well five years ago when our son was a freshman in highschool I received a phone call from him he sounded like he was in a state of shock. he gave all these other reasons but they were just excuses for the facts.. thus was about a month ago now. I feel now I am stuck either serving my x to her wishes just to see my children but never afford it. I come from a family of strong people. She would never abandon her children I was forced to leave my home as there is no available help there at all and what help is available is on a wait list and is for a facility outside my territory only (and the wait list is between 6-10 months). Even after this I still love/loved him, but I had no idea what to do or how to proceed. Dated on and off for 30y., 2 scholar-athlete teens, 4 college degrees between us, 3 solid careers and a nearly paid off house, and four years of kids college pre paid. I have not moved for 2 days I cant stop thinking is she better then me? I font think Ive ever felt pain like it. I loved him dearly and I still do, I had resentment built up because he didnt always treat me the best. I know I need to focus on myself, but easier said than done when I just want to cry & sleep. It sounds like hes pretty unhappy, and possibly with himself. If youre feeling like you want to get over this pain and suffering, the last step you have to take is very important. I have decided my happiness is what I need. And that this medication for *seizures* was effective *because* of the way my neurological system and brain was processing the lengthy aftermath of that injury. "We are outside, and it's important.". Almost like something magical happens when reading the article. Please u did not say anything concerning my case, am in Cameroon, and we have less of such facilities like therapist on psychological or marital issues. I actually threw up all morning and had to stay home from work. Is there something wrong with me. Kind regards, The GoodTherapy Team, It is a real shame that my ex wife turned out to be a real filthy low life, since at that time that i was married which i was the very faithful and committed one in the relationship. I am not saying you have to stay with someone who no longer is committed to the team in a very damaging way but the research shows people are throwing the towell in for very small reasons. As soon as she had her degree and job, she didnt need me anymore at least thats how Ive chosen to see it. Persistent denials coupled with ego aggravates everything . It was considered marital money. I took it over as there were 4super large steel trays full of food that would have gone to waste if I left it at home. After 5 years together my wife left me to be with another man.I was recently diagnosed with serious health issues that are beyond my control and hereditary.She waited till I came from work and met me at the door.She had already quit her job and he was coming to get her. Since that day, naturally, nothing has been the same I still love him very much and care for him but I feel like we arent meant to be together anymore. Most likely you fell out of love because you decided to stop loving your partner or you decided that you loved someone or something else even more. But, the remarkable thing that I want to share, pertinent to this discussion, and the particular issue of people who just *wont/cant* get over a particularly traumatic breakup/abandonment is this: AS A BY-PRODUCT OF THE SUCCESS OF THE NEURONTIN ON MY PHYSICAL PAIN, THE OTHER THING THAT AMAZINGLY DISAPPEARED, WAS THE PAIN AND OBSESSION OF THAT THIRTY-YEAR TORCH I WAS CARRYING. Im heartbroken and crushed and cant stop thinking about her. Dont tell her youre hiring a lawyer, and hire one anyway if you need to. I knew it was something . And if you cant forgive him, it might be time for you to walk away from this relationship completely because this isnt a good place for anyone to be in. Im saying this because professional coaches at Relationship Hero helped me not only once but twice to get through a difficult time in my love life. I have not name called him once during the whole 6 weeks it took him to leave. And how did you and her cope with that? He isnt coming back and I have accepted that as he has now told me so many times now and he just a new life without me in it. I asked him to leave her alone. They often beg not to go back and cry that they want to stay with me just one more night. And it would show your wife youre trying still. My wife began threatening me with divorce over little things years ago. He had itchy feet a few years ago and spent some time travelling and living in different states for work but in the end he came home. I to feel this pain 2x divorcee. She misses hosting family gatherings, although she still attends them at her husbands house. I found out last week that she was in a relationship with another man for several months. My wife of 20 years asked me to move out 33 days ago we have 3 kids together two boys 6 and 19 and a 13 year old girl. I froze that moment then 6 years later I was traumatized again. And at the time he would be like. He says she cant stop him seeing me but I think she will. One thing I am scared of is that my heart as sensible to all the facts as is it is not closed towards him. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. I wish you all the best Know your legal rights ! The whole time that she was awake she was on her Kindle playing Trivia and conversing with men. Its all I can think about and its eating away at me. Oh well, f$%# her! My wife and I have been together every day for 28 years.Married for 24 this Jan 1st and we lived together for 4 years. She left you without warning after 10 years of marriage because her family and a so called friend pushed her to do so. I dont know if anyone will ever love me again! (to the marriage) as he or she led on. I will pray you find the strength to accept this and that you two can still have a good relationship even though it will not be romantic any longer. After 15 years she announced that we never should have gotten married. I did not seek another relationship because I honoured my commitments and the Lord but in 2016 my husband finally disclosed that he was suffering from Cancer. Im so sorry, this broke my heart. So, I have been married to my husband for 14 1/2 years. Look it up. He had been having an emotional connection with her for 3 years. She tried to abduct our son from daycare and it only didnt happen because my daycare worker knew of my wifes history and that Im more of the primary caregiver because of her instability. . Or did you make a massive mistake that ended a wonderful relationship for good? I am so sorry! All rights reserved. I will follow this for now. All you have to do is think about the things youre good at and all the times youve helped others. Nothing has meaning. I beg you to take me from here: Spousal abandonment and the experience of separation in flight from persecution. My world is upside down right now with no end in sight. Im sorry you misunderstood Too make it short our son had to go with me to pick up her car several times her friends brought her car home once before she drove her car off road through a mailbox into a tree totaled car was able to get past cop because he was looking for signs of alcohol let her manipulate him with a phantom car story and I was not notified until her car was towed to a lot. I dont know how youre not happy when Ive given you everything in the world I dont think youll ever realize what kind of devastation caused our family. I know that there are a lot of women that would be very hopeful in finding a guy like me.I cannot go through life alone.I have to have a partner to share life and love with.I dont know where to start to meet that special person.My heart is totally shattered,and Im still in shock.I prey that i will wake up some day and not care anymore.Sorry that i am so blind to whats going on.I guess i still believe that we can get back together.I know I am totally stupid to think that,But for now I cant help the way that I feel. Im not sure whats worse having your spouse off the deep end and watching them demonstrate it, or having someone appear completely intact going through life whilst I am going WTF Part of me want him back because I believed in him and that we could have grown to love each other. It sounds like the only way this will work is if you tell her what you want and deserve and if she cannot do that then get busy. A wife might explain: "my husband was the one who decided to leave. Last Thursday in anger I took his remaining clothes to his home only to find another woman there preparing him dinner. Tried a lawyer, she sank me for thousands without ever doing a thing and I just wont take that road again. I didnt take money from the family to buy stuff for myself, I didnt spend a bunch of our money on pain pills and lose my job while my wife was five months pregnant, I didnt cheat, I didnt constantly lie about everything. Everyone I know has been together for years and are still madly in love. His health issues are not serious. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. Go to therapy. So your husband left you for somebody else? We are either a family all the time or we wont be at all. I feel alone, hurt and abandoned. Hi John, dear lord. Noah loves his Dad and we have always maintained a civil relationship for his sake. Now that I have the courage and confidence to speak out about my story I want to inspire others through Mint Movement, a community for single parents. During this time my Family saw the truth, because my ex husband and his girlfriend did so many cruel things. Hello! She never calls, answers and doesnt text back at all. 6. There were no reasons for her to fall out of love with me. My wife of 10 years left 4 weeks ago and hasnt looked back. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. If youve suffered anything like I have, youve probably been kicked to the dirt a time or two by your man. We made each other laugh every day, we goofed off an had fun. She is bipolar and has legal issues along with immigration issues. I feel torn of the situation and the new person in my life has given me perspective on how relationships are truly to be. Shes not even close to the same sweet beautiful kind hearted soul I once knew. The reason I write this is again there is evil and i have seen it all my life but the most important thing to remember is the signs people give. They WOULD NOT like that at all. My grandmother raised 3 girls on her own as a widower at just 42. Thanks for your input. So take the time to accept your new life and move on with things the best way you can. At this time he professed his love for me and wanted to work things out. He is worried about more his material things than me or our marriage. She always eyeballed a house that her male boss was selling. Knowing myself and how hard I have worked to be where I am in life, being raised in a lovely family, and overcoming another abusive relationships before I knew it was time for me to leave that relationship soon after our 6th anniversary. "I can't please you. Very true . For many people, abusive behavior and infidelity are signs that a marriage is beyond repair. So Im on my own, hence the online searching for advice. We had had a very hard year and the month before he left he had told me he was unhappy and was considering leaving because he was so unhappy and I was making him miserable. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. That really hurts. Help, Good Therapy!!!! Before you know it the entire family is wiped out. ;) Again, terrific article! To obtain a list of therapists or counselors in your area, please enter your ZIP code here: Please know you are not alone. She will regret it one day and when she do you will be in a better place mentally and moved on with another woman and that will be your revenge on her. Weve only been married for the last 19 months. I hope you can continue to be strong and take the steps to be in control. We all are animals Whens it supposed to get better? After all Ive been through I have not given up and please do not either. I am hurt in the worst way.I want us to be together soo badly.I dont know what to do.My pain is to much to handle. On Valentines day, she decided to tell me she doesnt love me and has in fact hated me for the last 15 years, though showed no signs of it. Ive let go, Ive got my life back and cant wait to hear you and others on this site can feel the same way . I do not work with but I still make sure everyone in well off. This is the second time I have been dumped under the same situations. Just make sure you get books that arent full of fluff and nonsense that doesnt mean anything. Still cant believe after a year and a half of unimaginable pain and recovery, I went back to help. My take, my experience, the one who cheated and left wasnt as committed Its very painful its been only 2 months after we live together for over 4 years and we have a 2 years old. She tells me she is not sure who she wants to be with. with my kids asking the same question and my narcissistic ex looks like a victim of a situation that just didnt work out as we grew apart as he puts it. So I do understand what I am going through and why. Thank you for this article your right about anything, Im so depressed right now because my husband of 4 years leaves me for the reason that he doesnt love me at all. If he doesnt get a rise out of me, he becomes enraged and starts drama then tries to blame it on me. This information was compiled from divorced couples, or as it may seem, long-term relationships. To the outside world, Emme lived a charmed life. I dont know how you rip it apart and then walk away like nothings wrong. Cant sleep without sleeping pills or wine. Her tone and her demeanor were so condescending. But the ties are weakening and I feel like I am at my wits end. Let him feel remorse for a little while and give him the time to miss you and appreciate you once again. Hi I am going through this as we speak. I am disabled and have unique issues that cause stroke like symptoms and memory issues. A 2009 study found women living with life threatening illnesses were more likely than others to experience spousal abandonment. Build yourself back up. Dear Kelly, If you think consulting with a mental health professional might help you, please use our directory to find a good fit. I found out that my wife had been backstabbing me with everyone she was close to. We did everything together, camping, hunting, fishing, holidays, and Netflix marathons of snuggling on the couch. Im on a dead end relationship and cant leave because of my kids. It doesnt take much, all it takes is a little time and effort to help you get through this hard time. Im not perfect and have owned and taken responsibility for all my faults but the blame. I cried out to him and said, Why are you leaving!? He literally got off with everything and got exactly what he wanted. Kasey Scharnett-King, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Fort Worth, Texas, suggests being wary of impulsive decisions. And also pointing out that you did state youll be using he/she alternately so as to not take sides which means that it could be by any partner.